I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Randomize
