well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
The best revenge is premature balding
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
