this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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