he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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