also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
