my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
