I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
