I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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