I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Randomize
