Umm I'm too high to move.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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