A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
