Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
