You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
