Whod you bang
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize