Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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