i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
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