I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
