I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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