How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
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I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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