I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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