think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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