I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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