Jerry, you need to find god
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
That accounts for only three of the penises
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
