he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
