Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
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