if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
It's official drugs can't kill me
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
