I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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