He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
