so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
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A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
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Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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