Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
