i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
