Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
