hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
