just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
