accomplished twins. life is a go
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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