do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
