why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
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