The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
