she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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