Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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