So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
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i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
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Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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