Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize