just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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