I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
