Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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