I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
