Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
