Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
