I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
