She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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