No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Everyone says I win the strip club
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Randomize
