I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
