you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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