To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
