The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
