We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
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She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
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One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I pour the whiskey from now on
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
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