Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
