Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
