I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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