Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Your topless pictures make me question reality
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
